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| Is this the object of the luncheon? |
I hope he is...because he looks like he would feed an all-male audience of thirty on today's show of Faces Down!
Those beautiful pecs...those indescribable thighs...those lucious calves...and that marvelous six-pack! And that's just what can be seen before he is properly prepared prior to the luncheon.
Let us not forget the twelve pairs of ribs, with that tender, juicy "beef" on them.
But, of course, all that meat needs to be properly tenderized. And the way to do that is to bring this beautiful bod onstage at the beginning of the day's show and hang him by his neck about five or six feet off the floor...dressed as he is in the picture...and leave him to strangle and kick for about fifteen minutes, just long enough to allow the adrenaline to pump its juice all through each and every muscle.
Of course, though...the guy has first to be located before he can be captured and brought to the show. But, where could he be found? I sent out the entire crew of my show to see whether or not they could successfully find him. All through the morning...no success! Then...leave it to my executive producer Carl to find that who I sought.
Carl found Bernardo by a pool in Escondido...dressed exactly as he is in the picture. There was only one problem...he was doing a photo shoot. That meant only one thing...Carl would have to wait until the end of the shoot in order to obtain the target. Well, all I can say is that the shoot had better end soon...because I had thirty very hungry audience members waiting for a feast they had been promised. And, all I know is that if they did not receive what had been promised...I was going to be taking Bernardo's place at the end of a rope and in their stomachs.
Soon, the shoot had ended and Bernardo, picking up a towel, proceeded to walk to his cabana to change for his journey home. That Carl could not permit. He made his way into Bernardo's cabana well before the intended victim. Removing his handkerchief and a bottle of extra strength chloroform from his pocket as well as a mask to keep from knocking himself unconscious, Carl opened the bottle and doused the handkerchief with the chloroform...and laid in wait. He didn't have long to wait.
Bernardo walked into the cabana and proceeded to walk to his bathroom in order to shower and change into street clothes for his trip home. Now was Carl's chance. Silently, he approached Bernardo from behind and placed the handkerchief over Bernardo's nose and mouth. Bernardo proceeded to struggle...but Carl proved to be the stronger as he pinioned Bernardo's arms, forcing him to breathe the fumes in deeply.
Soon, Bernardo slumped unconscious to the floor. Carl looked around for something to use in order to carry the unconscious Bernardo out to the production company's van. Then...he saw it! A large shag rug, measuring eighty inches in width and ten feet in length...just large enough to roll Bernardo up in.
Taking Bernardo by his wrists, Carl dragged him over and placed him face down at attention at one end of the carpet, placing the still-wet handkerchief under his nose to keep him from regaining consciousness before he could get to the studio and meet his death at the end of the rope which was waiting in the center of the Faces Down stage. Carl then rolled Bernardo up like a Swiss roll, tying the ends of the carpet beyond his feet and head.
Going to the door of the cabana, Carl opened it and looked outside to see whether there was anybody still on the beach. Luckily, the beach was deserted...save for a couple of joggers running by the surf. Carl came out of the cabana and, with key in hand, walked over to the van and opened the back doors wide before returning inside Bernardo's cabana. Shortly, Carl emerged, carrying the carpet with Bernardo's unconscious body securely wrapped within. He placed the bundle in the back of the van, returned to the cabana, closed and locked the door before closing the van's door and hopping in behind the wheel. Soon, Carl and his sleeping passenger were on their way back to the studio. Of course, I was monitoring the van's every movement with the GPS radar which was installed.
Soon, Carl entered the studio with the carpet flung over his shoulder. I approached him and knelt beside the bundle as he untied the knots at either end and gently unrolled the carpet, revealing Bernardo still unconscious with the chloroform-soaked handkerchief under his nose...and still on his stomach in his all-too-revealing trunks!
I walked over to a nearby cabinet, reached inside and removed a pair of ankle manacles and a pair of handcuffs. Upon returning to the prone figure, I knelt down and rested my haunches upon Bernardo's thighs, reached forward and placed the handcuffs upon his wrists. Then, still resting upon his thighs, I turned and, pressing my bent inner knees against Bernardo's outer knees, I reached out and manacled Bernardo's ankles. Upon completing this move, I almost lost my balance and would have fallen prone upon Bernardo's prone body. I regained my balance, rose to my feet and admired my work. Soon...the real fun would start.
I had Carl reach down, pick up Bernardo's still-unconscious body and seat him in a chair...right under a noose which I had fashioned with the traditional thirteen loops. I placed the noose around Bernardo's neck, took hold of the opposite end of the rope and pulled it tight enough to arouse Bernardo from his drug-induced slumber.
As Bernardo awoke, the audience began to applaud what was to happen next. Smiling at my victim, I told Bernardo to stand atop the chair as I pulled the rope and as the noose tightened about his neck. Soon, Bernardo stood on tippy-toes as the noose got tighter and tighter, cutting off the valuable air to his lungs. Giving the rope one final tug, the noose tightened about Bernardo's neck as much as it could, forcing his head to lean grotesquely to one side yet still enough to force his chin down upon his clavicle.
Now, the real fun was to take place. As Bernardo looked down at me, his eyes wide in terror as to what was to happen next, I approached the chair...and, gazing at Bernardo's kneebacks, pulled the chair out from under him. Another round of applause arose from the audience members as they watched the body of their expectant luncheon start performing a floorless jig. A fresher round of applause arose as the blood vessels in Bernardo's eyes burst, turning the sclera of both eyes blood red. A newer round arose as they watched Bernardo's eyes begin to bulge from the sockets. A final round arose when Bernardo began gurgling his last and the spasms in his muscles ceased, letting the members of the audience know that he was at last deceased.
I had Carl reach up and unfasten the noose from Bernardo's dead neck. As he did so, the dead body fell over his shoulder. He curled his arms about the dead knees, turned and carried Bernardo's body into the studio's kitchen...where the lunch would be prepared.
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